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Let's discuss the things they don't tell you in books about being a first time mom. Experienced moms please weigh in. I'll do my best to remember how awkward and terrifying those first weeks are.

THINGS NOBODY TELLS YOU

1) You will become a poop expert!

2) Your baby WILL have a blowout, most likely in public, so bring extra clothes or a blanket. You can torture your child with the story when they are a teenager.

I will add more as I remember them. Please feel free to add your own.

Ok so I have never hosted a play date but have started meeting a few moms who mentioned getting together.

I'm a little nervous (silly I know) but think it'd be great to have some new mommy friends and for ds to make friends as well.

I have 2 questions - should I make something to eat...like a snack? Also how long do play dates usually last?

I know I'm thinking way too much about this :-/

How is it everytime we come to the in laws my sil is ALWAYS sick? It seems like the moment we walk through the door she has something. Then I'm the bad guy for making her wash her hands, keep distance from my son, and not allowing her to kiss him. I don't let anyone kiss him so if they do they go against what I want. It seems people forget he's my child and what I say goes. No my lo is throwing up, coughing, and constantly gaging. I've been using essential oils on him is there anything else I can use on a 9 month old other than medicine?

Well, my due date came and went.

Chloe had been born on her due date, and all I could think about was how cool it would be to have TWO due date babies!

At least there was still hope for a St. Patrick’s Day baby… Ope, never mind, there goes that day too.

At this point, I began to mentally prepare myself that I may stay pregnant for another two weeks. Just in case.

Not. Cool.

Lucky for me, I woke up the next day feeling slight cramps. I tried to sleep most of them off while I cuddled with my sleeping toddler.




I knew I was going to miss these simple days. During the morning hours, I would let her sleep on my chest just to squeeze in a few extra hours of sleep each morning.



After a while, I realized the cramps felt a lot different than any cramp I had had during my pregnancy and they were not going away.

I woke up Hubby to tell him I thought I was in early labor, so that he could plan to take the day off of work. I text my mom, since she was planning on watching Chloe while I labored. I also sent a message to my doula, M, who said she had a feeling I would be contacting her that day!

M had been present at Chloe’s birth, and helped me with pain management as I worked toward the natural birth I wanted. Chloe’s birth was very difficult: It was long, painful, and scary.

Since it was only 16 months ago, it was still very fresh in my mind. I continually thought of it, and hoped this labor would be much easier.

Everyone kept saying, “Oh, the second baby is so much easier.” I sure hoped they were right! Still, the fresh memory of Chloe’s birth kept me from fully believing I could labor naturally again. I was very scared of doing this again.

I planned on just seeing how things went, and hoping I could have a better natural birth experience than I had before.

I got out of bed and took a warm shower. The shower actually made my contractions slow down quite a bit.

I began to feel normal again, despite occasional slight cramps. I was still walking around like normal, and I began cleaning my house.

Once Chloe woke up, we all went to the living-room and hung out for a while. hubby fed her breakfast while I cleaned and prepared some last minute things before baby Clare arrived.

Throughout the day, my contractions never got any stronger. I began to feel hesitant to even think I was in labor. We went about our day as usual, but had a lot of fun with Chloe. I took a nap while hubby took Chloe for a walk. He assured me that she had a blast picking flowers and petting any puppies that crossed their way. After that, we went to my parents house to hang out. We stayed there a few hours, letting Chloe play and run around.

Hubby and I went for a long walk when Chloe took her nap. We wanted to try and see if my contractions would kick up or turn into anything more. After walking for an hour, we took a rest, but then went for another walk later. We walked around the neighborhood with the entire family, including Chloe.

We walked a lot that day! Probably a grand total of 3 hours.

When we returned, it was pretty late (probably around 8 pm), and I assumed I was not going to start labor that night, even though I was still having occasional contractions and cramps.

While sitting at the table at my parents’ that evening, I felt my first REAL contraction. Pain in my back and my lower stomach, and it lasted about a minute. I felt a few of these pains, and then realized we should probably head home.

I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could. With Chloe, we went to the hospital waaaay too early (I showed up hurling in pain at 1 cm), and I didn’t want to do that again.

Of course, we were walking a fine line between laboring at home for as long as possible, and being careful not to arrive at the hospital too late.

Once we got home, we got Chloe in her pajamas and ready for bed. My mom and sister came to spend the night just in case we ended up going to the hospital. We watched Caillou and relaxed as much as we could. I continued to have contractions about 5-10 minutes apart. I felt them slowly getting stronger.

I insisted on putting Chloe to bed myself. I wanted this one last night when it was just me and her.

I quietly worked through several contractions while she drifted to sleep.

My mom slept in the room with Chloe, and my sister slept in the guest bedroom. My brother also unexpectedly showed up. Despite his trying to sleep in the living-room, I kicked him to the guest bedroom.
Hubby and I stayed in the living-room while I worked through contractions. They were getting very painful, to the point where I could not move during them. We tried to sleep a little bit, but it was just not happening. Every 5 minutes, I was moaning in pain.

For a few contractions, I tried to practice my self-control and make myself stay quiet during them. That only worked for about 2 or 3 contractions though. I usually found myself moaning through them.

I thought, yeah an epidural sounds pretty good right about now.

I felt so nervous… Because this already hurt so much and I knew it would get much worse. I was scared.

I lay on the couch, and Hubby was on a different chair. After a while, I asked him to come sit next to me and massage my back during each wave.

I kept getting this overwhelming feeling that I needed to push. With every contraction, I felt the urge. My pain was mostly in my back, and barely any in my stomach..

Around 1 am, I text M to tell her about the “pushing” feelings I was having.

We also called the midwife at the hospital, and she suggested we come in.

Call me stubborn, but I still did not feel it was time to head to the hospital. I was so scared of getting there too early. I knew that if I arrived and was only a couple of centimeters dilated, I would get discouraged and would be more likely to accept pain medication.

I tried to listen to my body. My contractions were still 5 to 7 minutes apart. It helped soooo much when Hubby massaged me during them. I tried to labor in different positions, and found contractions to be less painful when I was up and walking around.

I held my belly during them and tried to breathe.

Hubby and I turned the TV on, accepting that we would not be getting any sleep that night. We watched Law and Order, our current television addiction.

M text me back and said I should probably head to the hospital if I continued to feel the urge to push. She was afraid I’d end up in transition while in the car. She assured me she was ready to go whenever I was, and to listen to my body.

Around 6 am, we headed to the hospital.

I was still talking like normal and getting 5 minute breaks between contractions. I overall felt very good, despite the fact that I hadn’t slept all night, and I probably would have stayed home longer had I not been feeling like my baby was ready to push out on her own!

Once we arrived, Hubby dropped me off while he went to park the car. My sister came with us so she could photograph the birth. She walked in with me, and I was sent to Maternal Observation.

I was checked and was dilated to 5 centimeters. I was actually very happy with this progress! When I was in labor with Chloe, I was screaming for pain medication at 5 cm! I was surprised that I still felt as good as I did, and I was already half way there!

Even though I was already pre-registered at the hospital, they still had tons of questions I had to answer. Strange questions too…

like “What is your learning preference? Visual, auditory, or kinesthetic?” Really? I think I answered that before I took my practice S.A.T. Test in high school… Why would they need to know that while I am in labor?

Anyway, I lay on the bed and worked through several more contractions while being monitored.

I was admitted, and requested a room with a tub. Even though I was not planning on giving birth in the tub, I knew it had been great for pain management during Chloe’s birth, so I wanted it there just in case.

I was pushed in a wheelchair to a very relaxing labor room, which had a bed next to a computer, a small chair, and a couch. I saw the small baby bed, which had hats and diapers ready to go. I remember thinking, I can’t believe my baby is going to be the next one to lay in that bed!

Attached to the room was another small room with a laboring tub. It was huge! Much bigger than the one I used with Chloe. It was very deep, and had lots of space where I could, sit, kneel, or lie down if I needed to.

The first thing that happened was the nurses came in and attached me to the monitor again. They asked me tons more questions while I worked through contractions on the bed.

Even though I normally didn’t like being confined to the bed, it felt quite nice because I was so tired. I was going on no sleep and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to move.

I lay in the bed for probably about half an hour while the nurse and student nurse asked me questions.











They took my blood pressure, and checked my temperature. Turns out I had a slight fever, which they said was probably because I was dehydrated. So they attached me to an IV, which I had requested, and gave me a saline drip.

I wanted the IV attached to my arm and ready to go, mostly because of what happened at the end of Chloe’s birth.

After Chloe was born, I lost a lot of blood, which caused me to feel very cold, shaky, dizzy, and my blood pressure dropped. I ended up needing a shot of Pitocin to slow the bleeding.

Every midwife I talked to assured me that the bleeding after Chloe’s birth was most likely due to my having a long labor, and most felt confident it would not happen again.

Still, I wanted to be ready. I had the IV in my arm, though I was not attached to any wires, so I could still walk around and labor freely.

A student midwife came in to talk to me. She was so nice, and very kind. She mentioned that she wanted to check my dilation in about an hour, to see if I had progressed, and to see if it was the same as the nurse downstairs had said when I checked in.

I hesitantly agreed, even though I did not really want to be checked very often.

She left the room, and so did the nurses. I love that the care I receive is very non-interfering. If I wanted them in the room, they would stay. If I didn’t need them, which I didn’t, then I was free to labor how I wanted.


I walked around the room, working through contractions and trying several positions to see what helped. Because I still kept feeling like “pushing,” it was very hard for me to find a comfortable position. I ended up leaning over the bed a lot, tilting my pelvis by putting one leg on the bed. I also went on the birthing ball for a while, but not as much as I thought I would, because it was not that comfortable. I also ended up sitting on the toilet quite a bit. I don’t know why, but the seat was comfortable! Weird, I know. I still had all my clothes on, and I would just go sit on it like a chair.



A while later, the midwife came in to see how I was doing. I mentioned to her that I did not want to be checked for dilation if I didn’t have to be. I did not want to hear out loud that I had barely progressed, because I knew this would discourage me. I wanted to let my body do what it needed to do, and I did not want my mind to get in the way. She said this was perfectly fine, and that they would only check me when I wanted to be checked.

I agreed with this, and assured her we were doing good. She left for a while, and I continued to labor.

Contractions were very strong, and I moaned through them. I made it a point to keep my voice tone low, and to remain calm.



In my head, I would talk to myself, and say that every contraction brought me closer to my baby. I would remind myself not to fight it, but to go with the pain and let my body do its thing. I prayed a lot, also, thanking God that I still had breaks between contractions, and that I had made it this far without feeling overwhelmed or like I couldn’t take it.

I was shocked at how in control I felt. I honestly couldn’t believe I had made it this far and was still laughing, and joking around between contractions. I honestly think the environment I was in, and the people I was with made it much easier.



It was overall very relaxing. Yes… I just said child labor was relaxing. Ha ha

During each contraction, Hubby and M would massage my back. M brought small, round massage machines, and Hubby would press them against my tailbone. He pressed super hard, and it relieved my pain quite a bit. They vibrated, so he did not have to move them around or anything, just press super hard. I would tell him when I needed him to massage higher on my back, or lower. M would massage and rub my shoulders.

All my pain was in my back! I remember feeling slight pain in my lower abdomen, but that was so insignificant it was like it wasn’t even there!

The nurse would come in every once in a while and do some intermittent monitoring of the baby. They checked her heart rate and made sure she was doing all right.

But after a while, my contractions got overbearingly strong. I started to feel more and more horrible during each one.

I leaned over the door to the bathroom for a while, mainly because I couldn’t work up the energy to continue walking and make it to the other room. Through maybe 3 or 4 contractions, I’d lean into the door.


I felt nauseous at times. I smelled Clary Sage oil, which M had brought. She mentioned it was a labor inducing essential oil. She put a few drops on a scarf, which we lay across the bed. I smelled the oil for a while, until it started to smell too strong and I moved it out of the way.


Hubby did awesome. He was also very nervous about how this would go! He was open to whatever I wanted to do. Here he is being super sweet and talking to me, telling me I was doing good.

At this point, the nurses came back in and told me they needed to do some continual monitoring of the baby. I was going to have to lay in the bed for 15 minutes while they monitored her heartbeat, just to make sure she was doing good.


I lay down, and I felt horrible laying in the bed. I don’t know if I was screaming through contractions yet, or if I was still moaning. All I know was I felt like crap, and I did not like that nobody could massage my back while I was laying on the bed.



Hubby and M stood on each side of the bed, and held both of my hands. During each contraction, all I wanted to do was squeeze their hands super tight… but I didn’t. I don’t know why, but I could not make my hands squeeze, and instead I just kept all the pain within myself. I just took it. But I still wanted them there next to me; at one point when Hubby walked away, a nurse tried to hold my hand, but I just called for Hubby to come instead.


Everyone was crowded around me, including the nurses, midwife, and student midwife.The midwife mentioned I should probably get checked, since she thought I was getting close.



She asked me if my water had broken yet, which it didn’t… I think. That’s why I didn’t think my body was close, or ready to have this baby.

In my mind, I also kept thinking that it wasn’t too late to get pain medication. I could end all this right now, and lay down and relax. I could not get that out of my head, but somehow could not work up the gut enough to ask for it. My brain wrestled with itself, and all of a sudden things started to feel chaotic.



“Would you like me to break your water bag?” the midwife asked. “It may help to speed things along.”

I was so scared. I wasn’t sure I wanted to speed things along.

And for me to have to make that decision? I have to decide to allow myself to enter myself into much more pain than I’m already in?

She assured me I did not have to decide right now, left the room, and said she would come back in a few minutes to see what I decided.

I talked with Hubby and M about what I should do.

I felt so scared, because I knew the pain was only going to get worse. I started weeping and crying.

Through my tears, I said out loud, “In my head, I’m not even sure I can do this without medicine….It’s still in my head!… I’m so scared because I know this is going to get worse!” I slowly and quietly sobbed.

Hubby said, “If you want something, we can get it right now. Whatever you want to do, babe.”

I snapped, “I don’t want medicine!”

I didn’t want medicine. I knew that. But I could not stop wrestling with myself.

The nurse stood by my side, monitoring the baby. She hugged me and said, “Sweetie, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”



M reassured me that I had made it this far without anything, and I was doing great. She reminded me of Chloe’s birth, and how much harder it was at this point. She also reminded me that the birthing tub was there, and said how much relief I will feel once I am in the water.

I don’t know what I would have done without her words. They reassured me that I could do this, and no matter how scared I felt, I needed to suck it up and rise above that.

I said out loud, “I just need to get my head in the right place.” I knew natural birth has everything to do with the mind.

I made the decision to have the midwife break my water. I knew that if I didn’t, then I would eventually end up in a world of pain anyway. I just wanted to get it over with at this point; better sooner so I could get this labor done.

We paged the midwives, who shortly came and had me lay down in the bed.

I got checked for dilation, and I was 7 cm. The midwife kept trying to wait until I was between contractions so that she could try to break my water. “Just do it! Just do it!” I kept telling her. I wanted this over with before I could think about it anymore!

She tried to break my water.

She tried, and she tried, and she tried.

I don’t know how long I lay there. It felt like 2 or 3 minutes of her searching for my water bag, but she could not find it!

She said she could feel baby’s head very low (and Clare ended up having a few scratches on her head from these attempts), but she could not find my water bag!

So we didn’t even know if it had already broken, or if baby was so low, that she was completely blocking the bag and had it all behind her.

I don’t know how I felt. Mostly stupid, for being so scared at something that ended up not even happening.

By the time she was done trying, I was “paper thin” and 8 cm.

I remember feeling so happy that I had progressed a cm while being distracted with this endeavor.

With me being 8 cm, the nurses and midwives all stayed in the room for the rest of my labor. And it’s a good thing they did, or I may have pushed that baby out without them!

I got into the birthing tub, which I found surprisingly relaxing. “You’re going to feel so much better once you get in the tub! You will feel so relaxed!” the midwives kept telling me. Well, I didn’t believe them.

I was scared to believe them, honestly. I didn’t want to think I was going to get relief this far into active labor!

But, oh gosh, was I wrong.

The tub… was… amazing…!!!

It was so incredibly relaxing. I could breathe. Things finally seemed easier.

I just wanted to fall asleep…

The midwife said that most moms will have their contractions slow down while in the tub, because they get so relaxed. She warned me that if this happened, I would have to get out for a while until my contractions kicked back up.





Hubby sat next to me in the tub (yes it was big enough for both of us!) and he poured water on my stomach.

The midwife told me, “Now, your actual contractions may feel worse, but between them you will feel so much better.” Not really what I wanted to hear, and then soon discover she was right.

I had one huge contraction, and it felt worse than any other contraction I’d had. It seemed to last forever, and it was so extremely painful!

Someone… not sure who (maybe the nurse?) put a cold rag over my forehead. I did not like it there, but couldn’t really work the nerve to say that out loud. Then I decided it was kind of relaxing anyway.



I felt the urge to push, but I thought, how can this be? I’m supposed to get so relaxed that I was going to have to get out of the tub?!

“If I feel like I have to push… Should I push?” I asked the midwife. I couldn’t believe that I already felt like this.

“Yes! You do whatever it is you feel like your body needs to do.”

My screams became louder, and I think at that point, they also recognized that maybe I was already pushing. The midwife checked me, and she sounded so shocked… “Yup! She’s complete!”

I had gone from 7 cm to complete within minutes! I was shocked, yet so relieved!

Hubby got behind me in the tub. I pressed against his body with each contraction. “You’re doing it! You’re doing it!” I could hear he was also in disbelief that we had gotten this far so quickly. His tone of voice was disbelief, yet I could tell he was so proud.

I kept wanting to kick my right leg. It floated in the water and I continually kicked it.

The midwife grabbed it, trying to gently ease it onto a spot in the tub that I could press against. But for some reason, I wanted to keep gently moving it. I could hear her, kind of laughing “I keep wanting to help her rest her foot, but I think she just wants to move it!”

I looked up at the clock.

I don’t remember what time it was, I don’t even think that’s what I was looking for.

I was so scared I’d be pushing for hours. Earlier, one of the midwives had mentioned that a mom was there earlier and she pushed for three hours! With Chloe, I pushed for an hour!

I did not want to be here that long.

I wanted to be finished with this.

Pushing my baby out created a different kind of pain than my contractions were. I was in disbelief that I was already here, so I felt very mentally unprepared. It was all happenning so fast!

I heard M, who was sitting to my left, “Don’t fight it. Remember not to fight it.” She talked very calmly.

I think I snapped, “I’m not fighting it!” but a small part of me was. Because I still couldn’t believe I was here!

I took her advice.

I let my body push when I felt like it needed to. No matter how much it hurt, I went with it. I relaxed my body as much as I could.

I screamed into Hubby's ear with each contraction. I could remember myself screaming like this when I was in labor with Chloe. I sounded exactly the same… Like a monster.

Only a few pushes later, and I heard “Her head is out!”

Felt like minutes. I had pushed for only minutes! The midwife told me to relax, and then give one more big push to get her body out.

With my next urge, I thought, “Oh my gosh, her head is out!! She is out! I’m almost done!”

I gave another big push and I felt her coming out.

Again, just like that, all the pain was gone.

I was in utter disbelief at what had just happened. It all happened so fast, that my brain didn’t have a chance to catch up to where my body was.

I stared at my new daughter, and all I could say was “Oh my God! Oh my gosh!” over and over.





But I wasn’t screaming it like you may imagine. I was softly crying it.

I finally had the birth I had imagined. This is what it was supposed to be like. I didn’t fight it, I went with it and trusted what God had made our bodies to do.







Clare was beautiful. She was so alert and stared right at us.



I remember I didn’t quite know how to hold her. I’d been so used to carrying my 20 pound toddler, and Clare seemed so tiny in comparison.

We left her cord to pulse for 8 minutes. We sat in the tub, and stared at her, and cried.

It was a beautiful 8 minutes.









Hubby cut the cord, and they took Clare to the next room so they could wrap her up and see how she was doing.





All of a sudden, the very thing that we thought wouldn’t happen again, did.

I started to feel very lightheaded. Extremely dizzy.

“I think… I’m… gonna… faint…” I managed to say very weakly.

I started seeing black spots, and before I knew it, I passed out.

Everyone around me began rushing around. And I knew this, because even though I could not see anything, I could still hear all the chaos around me.

I felt blood pouring out of me, and I knew I was once again losing tons of blood.

I heard the midwife demanding this and that, telling the nurse to go get this, telling Hubby to get out of the tub.

I woke up a little bit, only to see the nurse coming up behind me and sticking a giant needle of Pitocin into my right thigh.

How could this be happening again? I thought. This isn’t supposed to happen again!

I could hear Clare screaming in the background. I could hear the midwife asking me questions, trying to get me to respond.

I passed out again.

This time, I passed out completely. I’m not sure how long I was out before I woke up and remembered what was going on. I felt very woozy and droopy.

I was still in the tub.

I went in and out of consciousness, I don’t even know how many times.

One midwife sat behind me, to my left. She was holding my head up as well as she could, and all of a sudden put a cotton swab full of alcohol right up against my nose.

“Breathe deep through your nose,” she said frantically.

I did.

The smell of the alcohol made me wake up quite a bit.

I lifted my head a little, just in response to how strong the smell was.

She kept making me smell the alcohol pads, pressing them tight against my nostrils.

I could see one midwife trying to drain the tub as I sat in it.

It was full if blood, and I could feel clot after clot pouring out of me. There was so much blood and it clogged the tub.

Within all the chaos, I felt my head falling again. In my mind, everything felt so loud. A part of me felt I could die. Another part of me knew I’d make it through, because I had once before.

I thought of Chloe. My sweet Chloe was waiting for me at Grandma’s house.

I pictured her sweet face, and thought of how lovely she was and how much she needed me.

Chloe needs me, I thought.

I took another deep breath, coughing at the smell of the alcohol in my nose.

“There you go, there you go,” my midwife approvingly spoke.

Before long, I felt a little better. I was no longer in and out of consciousness, but I still felt dizzy and weak.

The midwives decided I may feel better if I were laying down.

I don’t really remember how they got me into the bed… Maybe they brought a wheelchair to me? Maybe they just carried me the way a trainer carries an injured football player off the field…?

Somehow, someway, I ended up back on the hospital bed.

And then I felt much better.

My breathing, which seemed so frantic in my mind, finally felt normal. I relaxed.

I took steady deep breaths, and calmed my nerves.

“You did that on no sleep, no food, and hardly any water.” Someone (the midwife?) told me.

They were sure that contributed to the awful grand finale of Clare’s birth.

By this time, Clare was screaming with hunger. I knew it because I peaked over and saw her trying to eat her hands.





They weighed her- 6 pounds 9 ounces.
1 ounce bigger than Chloe was.

20 inches long… 1 inch bigger than Chloe.

They swaddled her, and Hubby got to hold her a while. It was so sweet seeing the way he stared at her.



He handed her to me, and I stared at her. She was so perfect.
So small.

It was like de ja vu. How could I be holding another baby?

A part of me felt like she was a complete stranger… Only because I had been so used to holding Chloe.
Yet she had grown in my belly. I just couldn’t believe how fast it had all
happened.



A lot of things were going through my mind, but Clare grew hungrier.

I nursed her for the first time, and she took to it like a duck to water. She latched perfectly and ate like a champ.

This birth experience was amazing.
I went from doubting myself, to convincing myself I could.

It’s all a mind game, it seems like. Your head has to be in the right place. Even after it was over, and I was losing a lot of blood, it was having my mind in the right place that got me through.

Chloe got me through it. In the end, I feel she gave me the strength to wake up. She is my strength and I thank God for her every day.



This is Chloe meeting her baby sister for the first time. She was very confused, because she had been staying with Grandma the past couple of days, and she was really emotional when she saw me.



Okay, I admit, I was emotional too. I cried when she left from her visit. Now, Chloe is a great big sister! She calls Clare “Baby!” and says “Nice” when she touches her. It’s so sweet

My sweet Clare is so adorable. God blessed me with such a great baby! She sleeps great at night (so far…). And she is so smiley!!!

She loves to stare at faces, and smile and coo.

She is too cute for words, I love her so much.
I’m so glad for the birth experience I had. I no longer feel afraid of birth like I was at the beginning.

I feel I could do it again and not be so afraid… Even though I think we are ready for a nice long break before we have another!

Well, my due date came and went.

Chloe had been born on her due date, and all I could think about was how cool it would be to have TWO due date babies!

At least there was still hope for a St. Patrick’s Day baby… Ope, never mind, there goes that day too.

At this point, I began to mentally prepare myself that I may stay pregnant for another two weeks. Just in case.

Not. Cool.

Lucky for me, I woke up the next day feeling slight cramps. I tried to sleep most of them off while I cuddled with my sleeping toddler.




I knew I was going to miss these simple days. During the morning hours, I would let her sleep on my chest just to squeeze in a few extra hours of sleep each morning.



After a while, I realized the cramps felt a lot different than any cramp I had had during my pregnancy and they were not going away.

I woke up Hubby to tell him I thought I was in early labor, so that he could plan to take the day off of work. I text my mom, since she was planning on watching Chloe while I labored. I also sent a message to my doula, M, who said she had a feeling I would be contacting her that day!

M had been present at Chloe’s birth, and helped me with pain management as I worked toward the natural birth I wanted. Chloe’s birth was very difficult: It was long, painful, and scary.

Since it was only 16 months ago, it was still very fresh in my mind. I continually thought of it, and hoped this labor would be much easier.

Everyone kept saying, “Oh, the second baby is so much easier.” I sure hoped they were right! Still, the fresh memory of Chloe’s birth kept me from fully believing I could labor naturally again. I was very scared of doing this again.

I planned on just seeing how things went, and hoping I could have a better natural birth experience than I had before.

I got out of bed and took a warm shower. The shower actually made my contractions slow down quite a bit.

I began to feel normal again, despite occasional slight cramps. I was still walking around like normal, and I began cleaning my house.

Once Chloe woke up, we all went to the living-room and hung out for a while. hubby fed her breakfast while I cleaned and prepared some last minute things before baby Clare arrived.

Throughout the day, my contractions never got any stronger. I began to feel hesitant to even think I was in labor. We went about our day as usual, but had a lot of fun with Chloe. I took a nap while hubby took Chloe for a walk. He assured me that she had a blast picking flowers and petting any puppies that crossed their way. After that, we went to my parents house to hang out. We stayed there a few hours, letting Chloe play and run around.

Hubby and I went for a long walk when Chloe took her nap. We wanted to try and see if my contractions would kick up or turn into anything more. After walking for an hour, we took a rest, but then went for another walk later. We walked around the neighborhood with the entire family, including Chloe.

We walked a lot that day! Probably a grand total of 3 hours.

When we returned, it was pretty late (probably around 8 pm), and I assumed I was not going to start labor that night, even though I was still having occasional contractions and cramps.

While sitting at the table at my parents’ that evening, I felt my first REAL contraction. Pain in my back and my lower stomach, and it lasted about a minute. I felt a few of these pains, and then realized we should probably head home.

I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could. With Chloe, we went to the hospital waaaay too early (I showed up hurling in pain at 1 cm), and I didn’t want to do that again.

Of course, we were walking a fine line between laboring at home for as long as possible, and being careful not to arrive at the hospital too late.

Once we got home, we got Chloe in her pajamas and ready for bed. My mom and sister came to spend the night just in case we ended up going to the hospital. We watched Caillou and relaxed as much as we could. I continued to have contractions about 5-10 minutes apart. I felt them slowly getting stronger.

I insisted on putting Chloe to bed myself. I wanted this one last night when it was just me and her.

I quietly worked through several contractions while she drifted to sleep.

My mom slept in the room with Chloe, and my sister slept in the guest bedroom. My brother also unexpectedly showed up. Despite his trying to sleep in the living-room, I kicked him to the guest bedroom.
Hubby and I stayed in the living-room while I worked through contractions. They were getting very painful, to the point where I could not move during them. We tried to sleep a little bit, but it was just not happening. Every 5 minutes, I was moaning in pain.

For a few contractions, I tried to practice my self-control and make myself stay quiet during them. That only worked for about 2 or 3 contractions though. I usually found myself moaning through them.

I thought, yeah an epidural sounds pretty good right about now.

I felt so nervous… Because this already hurt so much and I knew it would get much worse. I was scared.

I lay on the couch, and Hubby was on a different chair. After a while, I asked him to come sit next to me and massage my back during each wave.

I kept getting this overwhelming feeling that I needed to push. With every contraction, I felt the urge. My pain was mostly in my back, and barely any in my stomach..

Around 1 am, I text M to tell her about the “pushing” feelings I was having.

We also called the midwife at the hospital, and she suggested we come in.

Call me stubborn, but I still did not feel it was time to head to the hospital. I was so scared of getting there too early. I knew that if I arrived and was only a couple of centimeters dilated, I would get discouraged and would be more likely to accept pain medication.

I tried to listen to my body. My contractions were still 5 to 7 minutes apart. It helped soooo much when Hubby massaged me during them. I tried to labor in different positions, and found contractions to be less painful when I was up and walking around.

I held my belly during them and tried to breathe.

Hubby and I turned the TV on, accepting that we would not be getting any sleep that night. We watched Law and Order, our current television addiction.

M text me back and said I should probably head to the hospital if I continued to feel the urge to push. She was afraid I’d end up in transition while in the car. She assured me she was ready to go whenever I was, and to listen to my body.

Around 6 am, we headed to the hospital.

I was still talking like normal and getting 5 minute breaks between contractions. I overall felt very good, despite the fact that I hadn’t slept all night, and I probably would have stayed home longer had I not been feeling like my baby was ready to push out on her own!

Once we arrived, Hubby dropped me off while he went to park the car. My sister came with us so she could photograph the birth. She walked in with me, and I was sent to Maternal Observation.

I was checked and was dilated to 5 centimeters. I was actually very happy with this progress! When I was in labor with Chloe, I was screaming for pain medication at 5 cm! I was surprised that I still felt as good as I did, and I was already half way there!

Even though I was already pre-registered at the hospital, they still had tons of questions I had to answer. Strange questions too…

like “What is your learning preference? Visual, auditory, or kinesthetic?” Really? I think I answered that before I took my practice S.A.T. Test in high school… Why would they need to know that while I am in labor?

Anyway, I lay on the bed and worked through several more contractions while being monitored.

I was admitted, and requested a room with a tub. Even though I was not planning on giving birth in the tub, I knew it had been great for pain management during Chloe’s birth, so I wanted it there just in case.

I was pushed in a wheelchair to a very relaxing labor room, which had a bed next to a computer, a small chair, and a couch. I saw the small baby bed, which had hats and diapers ready to go. I remember thinking, I can’t believe my baby is going to be the next one to lay in that bed!

Attached to the room was another small room with a laboring tub. It was huge! Much bigger than the one I used with Chloe. It was very deep, and had lots of space where I could, sit, kneel, or lie down if I needed to.

The first thing that happened was the nurses came in and attached me to the monitor again. They asked me tons more questions while I worked through contractions on the bed.

Even though I normally didn’t like being confined to the bed, it felt quite nice because I was so tired. I was going on no sleep and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to move.

I lay in the bed for probably about half an hour while the nurse and student nurse asked me questions.











They took my blood pressure, and checked my temperature. Turns out I had a slight fever, which they said was probably because I was dehydrated. So they attached me to an IV, which I had requested, and gave me a saline drip.

I wanted the IV attached to my arm and ready to go, mostly because of what happened at the end of Chloe’s birth.

After Chloe was born, I lost a lot of blood, which caused me to feel very cold, shaky, dizzy, and my blood pressure dropped. I ended up needing a shot of Pitocin to slow the bleeding.

Every midwife I talked to assured me that the bleeding after Chloe’s birth was most likely due to my having a long labor, and most felt confident it would not happen again.

Still, I wanted to be ready. I had the IV in my arm, though I was not attached to any wires, so I could still walk around and labor freely.

A student midwife came in to talk to me. She was so nice, and very kind. She mentioned that she wanted to check my dilation in about an hour, to see if I had progressed, and to see if it was the same as the nurse downstairs had said when I checked in.

I hesitantly agreed, even though I did not really want to be checked very often.

She left the room, and so did the nurses. I love that the care I receive is very non-interfering. If I wanted them in the room, they would stay. If I didn’t need them, which I didn’t, then I was free to labor how I wanted.


I walked around the room, working through contractions and trying several positions to see what helped. Because I still kept feeling like “pushing,” it was very hard for me to find a comfortable position. I ended up leaning over the bed a lot, tilting my pelvis by putting one leg on the bed. I also went on the birthing ball for a while, but not as much as I thought I would, because it was not that comfortable. I also ended up sitting on the toilet quite a bit. I don’t know why, but the seat was comfortable! Weird, I know. I still had all my clothes on, and I would just go sit on it like a chair.



A while later, the midwife came in to see how I was doing. I mentioned to her that I did not want to be checked for dilation if I didn’t have to be. I did not want to hear out loud that I had barely progressed, because I knew this would discourage me. I wanted to let my body do what it needed to do, and I did not want my mind to get in the way. She said this was perfectly fine, and that they would only check me when I wanted to be checked.

I agreed with this, and assured her we were doing good. She left for a while, and I continued to labor.

Contractions were very strong, and I moaned through them. I made it a point to keep my voice tone low, and to remain calm.



In my head, I would talk to myself, and say that every contraction brought me closer to my baby. I would remind myself not to fight it, but to go with the pain and let my body do its thing. I prayed a lot, also, thanking God that I still had breaks between contractions, and that I had made it this far without feeling overwhelmed or like I couldn’t take it.

I was shocked at how in control I felt. I honestly couldn’t believe I had made it this far and was still laughing, and joking around between contractions. I honestly think the environment I was in, and the people I was with made it much easier.



It was overall very relaxing. Yes… I just said child labor was relaxing. Ha ha

During each contraction, Hubby and M would massage my back. M brought small, round massage machines, and Hubby would press them against my tailbone. He pressed super hard, and it relieved my pain quite a bit. They vibrated, so he did not have to move them around or anything, just press super hard. I would tell him when I needed him to massage higher on my back, or lower. M would massage and rub my shoulders.

All my pain was in my back! I remember feeling slight pain in my lower abdomen, but that was so insignificant it was like it wasn’t even there!

The nurse would come in every once in a while and do some intermittent monitoring of the baby. They checked her heart rate and made sure she was doing all right.

But after a while, my contractions got overbearingly strong. I started to feel more and more horrible during each one.

I leaned over the door to the bathroom for a while, mainly because I couldn’t work up the energy to continue walking and make it to the other room. Through maybe 3 or 4 contractions, I’d lean into the door.


I felt nauseous at times. I smelled Clary Sage oil, which M had brought. She mentioned it was a labor inducing essential oil. She put a few drops on a scarf, which we lay across the bed. I smelled the oil for a while, until it started to smell too strong and I moved it out of the way.


Hubby did awesome. He was also very nervous about how this would go! He was open to whatever I wanted to do. Here he is being super sweet and talking to me, telling me I was doing good.

At this point, the nurses came back in and told me they needed to do some continual monitoring of the baby. I was going to have to lay in the bed for 15 minutes while they monitored her heartbeat, just to make sure she was doing good.


I lay down, and I felt horrible laying in the bed. I don’t know if I was screaming through contractions yet, or if I was still moaning. All I know was I felt like crap, and I did not like that nobody could massage my back while I was laying on the bed.



Hubby and M stood on each side of the bed, and held both of my hands. During each contraction, all I wanted to do was squeeze their hands super tight… but I didn’t. I don’t know why, but I could not make my hands squeeze, and instead I just kept all the pain within myself. I just took it. But I still wanted them there next to me; at one point when Hubby walked away, a nurse tried to hold my hand, but I just called for Hubby to come instead.


Everyone was crowded around me, including the nurses, midwife, and student midwife.The midwife mentioned I should probably get checked, since she thought I was getting close.



She asked me if my water had broken yet, which it didn’t… I think. That’s why I didn’t think my body was close, or ready to have this baby.

In my mind, I also kept thinking that it wasn’t too late to get pain medication. I could end all this right now, and lay down and relax. I could not get that out of my head, but somehow could not work up the gut enough to ask for it. My brain wrestled with itself, and all of a sudden things started to feel chaotic.



“Would you like me to break your water bag?” the midwife asked. “It may help to speed things along.”

I was so scared. I wasn’t sure I wanted to speed things along.

And for me to have to make that decision? I have to decide to allow myself to enter myself into much more pain than I’m already in?

She assured me I did not have to decide right now, left the room, and said she would come back in a few minutes to see what I decided.

I talked with Hubby and M about what I should do.

I felt so scared, because I knew the pain was only going to get worse. I started weeping and crying.

Through my tears, I said out loud, “In my head, I’m not even sure I can do this without medicine….It’s still in my head!… I’m so scared because I know this is going to get worse!” I slowly and quietly sobbed.

Hubby said, “If you want something, we can get it right now. Whatever you want to do, babe.”

I snapped, “I don’t want medicine!”

I didn’t want medicine. I knew that. But I could not stop wrestling with myself.

The nurse stood by my side, monitoring the baby. She hugged me and said, “Sweetie, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”



M reassured me that I had made it this far without anything, and I was doing great. She reminded me of Chloe’s birth, and how much harder it was at this point. She also reminded me that the birthing tub was there, and said how much relief I will feel once I am in the water.

I don’t know what I would have done without her words. They reassured me that I could do this, and no matter how scared I felt, I needed to suck it up and rise above that.

I said out loud, “I just need to get my head in the right place.” I knew natural birth has everything to do with the mind.

I made the decision to have the midwife break my water. I knew that if I didn’t, then I would eventually end up in a world of pain anyway. I just wanted to get it over with at this point; better sooner so I could get this labor done.

We paged the midwives, who shortly came and had me lay down in the bed.

I got checked for dilation, and I was 7 cm. The midwife kept trying to wait until I was between contractions so that she could try to break my water. “Just do it! Just do it!” I kept telling her. I wanted this over with before I could think about it anymore!

She tried to break my water.

She tried, and she tried, and she tried.

I don’t know how long I lay there. It felt like 2 or 3 minutes of her searching for my water bag, but she could not find it!

She said she could feel baby’s head very low (and Clare ended up having a few scratches on her head from these attempts), but she could not find my water bag!

So we didn’t even know if it had already broken, or if baby was so low, that she was completely blocking the bag and had it all behind her.

I don’t know how I felt. Mostly stupid, for being so scared at something that ended up not even happening.

By the time she was done trying, I was “paper thin” and 8 cm.

I remember feeling so happy that I had progressed a cm while being distracted with this endeavor.

With me being 8 cm, the nurses and midwives all stayed in the room for the rest of my labor. And it’s a good thing they did, or I may have pushed that baby out without them!

I got into the birthing tub, which I found surprisingly relaxing. “You’re going to feel so much better once you get in the tub! You will feel so relaxed!” the midwives kept telling me. Well, I didn’t believe them.

I was scared to believe them, honestly. I didn’t want to think I was going to get relief this far into active labor!

But, oh gosh, was I wrong.

The tub… was… amazing…!!!

It was so incredibly relaxing. I could breathe. Things finally seemed easier.

I just wanted to fall asleep…

The midwife said that most moms will have their contractions slow down while in the tub, because they get so relaxed. She warned me that if this happened, I would have to get out for a while until my contractions kicked back up.





Hubby sat next to me in the tub (yes it was big enough for both of us!) and he poured water on my stomach.

The midwife told me, “Now, your actual contractions may feel worse, but between them you will feel so much better.” Not really what I wanted to hear, and then soon discover she was right.

I had one huge contraction, and it felt worse than any other contraction I’d had. It seemed to last forever, and it was so extremely painful!

Someone… not sure who (maybe the nurse?) put a cold rag over my forehead. I did not like it there, but couldn’t really work the nerve to say that out loud. Then I decided it was kind of relaxing anyway.



I felt the urge to push, but I thought, how can this be? I’m supposed to get so relaxed that I was going to have to get out of the tub?!

“If I feel like I have to push… Should I push?” I asked the midwife. I couldn’t believe that I already felt like this.

“Yes! You do whatever it is you feel like your body needs to do.”

My screams became louder, and I think at that point, they also recognized that maybe I was already pushing. The midwife checked me, and she sounded so shocked… “Yup! She’s complete!”

I had gone from 7 cm to complete within minutes! I was shocked, yet so relieved!

Hubby got behind me in the tub. I pressed against his body with each contraction. “You’re doing it! You’re doing it!” I could hear he was also in disbelief that we had gotten this far so quickly. His tone of voice was disbelief, yet I could tell he was so proud.

I kept wanting to kick my right leg. It floated in the water and I continually kicked it.

The midwife grabbed it, trying to gently ease it onto a spot in the tub that I could press against. But for some reason, I wanted to keep gently moving it. I could hear her, kind of laughing “I keep wanting to help her rest her foot, but I think she just wants to move it!”

I looked up at the clock.

I don’t remember what time it was, I don’t even think that’s what I was looking for.

I was so scared I’d be pushing for hours. Earlier, one of the midwives had mentioned that a mom was there earlier and she pushed for three hours! With Chloe, I pushed for an hour!

I did not want to be here that long.

I wanted to be finished with this.

Pushing my baby out created a different kind of pain than my contractions were. I was in disbelief that I was already here, so I felt very mentally unprepared. It was all happenning so fast!

I heard M, who was sitting to my left, “Don’t fight it. Remember not to fight it.” She talked very calmly.

I think I snapped, “I’m not fighting it!” but a small part of me was. Because I still couldn’t believe I was here!

I took her advice.

I let my body push when I felt like it needed to. No matter how much it hurt, I went with it. I relaxed my body as much as I could.

I screamed into Hubby's ear with each contraction. I could remember myself screaming like this when I was in labor with Chloe. I sounded exactly the same… Like a monster.

Only a few pushes later, and I heard “Her head is out!”

Felt like minutes. I had pushed for only minutes! The midwife told me to relax, and then give one more big push to get her body out.

With my next urge, I thought, “Oh my gosh, her head is out!! She is out! I’m almost done!”

I gave another big push and I felt her coming out.

Again, just like that, all the pain was gone.

I was in utter disbelief at what had just happened. It all happened so fast, that my brain didn’t have a chance to catch up to where my body was.

I stared at my new daughter, and all I could say was “Oh my God! Oh my gosh!” over and over.





But I wasn’t screaming it like you may imagine. I was softly crying it.

I finally had the birth I had imagined. This is what it was supposed to be like. I didn’t fight it, I went with it and trusted what God had made our bodies to do.







Clare was beautiful. She was so alert and stared right at us.



I remember I didn’t quite know how to hold her. I’d been so used to carrying my 20 pound toddler, and Clare seemed so tiny in comparison.

We left her cord to pulse for 8 minutes. We sat in the tub, and stared at her, and cried.

It was a beautiful 8 minutes.









Hubby cut the cord, and they took Clare to the next room so they could wrap her up and see how she was doing.





All of a sudden, the very thing that we thought wouldn’t happen again, did.

I started to feel very lightheaded. Extremely dizzy.

“I think… I’m… gonna… faint…” I managed to say very weakly.

I started seeing black spots, and before I knew it, I passed out.

Everyone around me began rushing around. And I knew this, because even though I could not see anything, I could still hear all the chaos around me.

I felt blood pouring out of me, and I knew I was once again losing tons of blood.

I heard the midwife demanding this and that, telling the nurse to go get this, telling Hubby to get out of the tub.

I woke up a little bit, only to see the nurse coming up behind me and sticking a giant needle of Pitocin into my right thigh.

How could this be happening again? I thought. This isn’t supposed to happen again!

I could hear Clare screaming in the background. I could hear the midwife asking me questions, trying to get me to respond.

I passed out again.

This time, I passed out completely. I’m not sure how long I was out before I woke up and remembered what was going on. I felt very woozy and droopy.

I was still in the tub.

I went in and out of consciousness, I don’t even know how many times.

One midwife sat behind me, to my left. She was holding my head up as well as she could, and all of a sudden put a cotton swab full of alcohol right up against my nose.

“Breathe deep through your nose,” she said frantically.

I did.

The smell of the alcohol made me wake up quite a bit.

I lifted my head a little, just in response to how strong the smell was.

She kept making me smell the alcohol pads, pressing them tight against my nostrils.

I could see one midwife trying to drain the tub as I sat in it.

It was full if blood, and I could feel clot after clot pouring out of me. There was so much blood and it clogged the tub.

Within all the chaos, I felt my head falling again. In my mind, everything felt so loud. A part of me felt I could die. Another part of me knew I’d make it through, because I had once before.

I thought of Chloe. My sweet Chloe was waiting for me at Grandma’s house.

I pictured her sweet face, and thought of how lovely she was and how much she needed me.

Chloe needs me, I thought.

I took another deep breath, coughing at the smell of the alcohol in my nose.

“There you go, there you go,” my midwife approvingly spoke.

Before long, I felt a little better. I was no longer in and out of consciousness, but I still felt dizzy and weak.

The midwives decided I may feel better if I were laying down.

I don’t really remember how they got me into the bed… Maybe they brought a wheelchair to me? Maybe they just carried me the way a trainer carries an injured football player off the field…?

Somehow, someway, I ended up back on the hospital bed.

And then I felt much better.

My breathing, which seemed so frantic in my mind, finally felt normal. I relaxed.

I took steady deep breaths, and calmed my nerves.

“You did that on no sleep, no food, and hardly any water.” Someone (the midwife?) told me.

They were sure that contributed to the awful grand finale of Clare’s birth.

By this time, Clare was screaming with hunger. I knew it because I peaked over and saw her trying to eat her hands.





They weighed her- 6 pounds 9 ounces.
1 ounce bigger than Chloe was.

20 inches long… 1 inch bigger than Chloe.

They swaddled her, and Hubby got to hold her a while. It was so sweet seeing the way he stared at her.



He handed her to me, and I stared at her. She was so perfect.
So small.

It was like de ja vu. How could I be holding another baby?

A part of me felt like she was a complete stranger… Only because I had been so used to holding Chloe.
Yet she had grown in my belly. I just couldn’t believe how fast it had all
happened.



A lot of things were going through my mind, but Clare grew hungrier.

I nursed her for the first time, and she took to it like a duck to water. She latched perfectly and ate like a champ.

This birth experience was amazing.
I went from doubting myself, to convincing myself I could.

It’s all a mind game, it seems like. Your head has to be in the right place. Even after it was over, and I was losing a lot of blood, it was having my mind in the right place that got me through.

Chloe got me through it. In the end, I feel she gave me the strength to wake up. She is my strength and I thank God for her every day.



This is Chloe meeting her baby sister for the first time. She was very confused, because she had been staying with Grandma the past couple of days, and she was really emotional when she saw me.



Okay, I admit, I was emotional too. I cried when she left from her visit. Now, Chloe is a great big sister! She calls Clare “Baby!” and says “Nice” when she touches her. It’s so sweet

My sweet Clare is so adorable. God blessed me with such a great baby! She sleeps great at night (so far…). And she is so smiley!!!

She loves to stare at faces, and smile and coo.

She is too cute for words, I love her so much.
I’m so glad for the birth experience I had. I no longer feel afraid of birth like I was at the beginning.

I feel I could do it again and not be so afraid… Even though I think we are ready for a nice long break before we have another!

Well, my due date came and went.

Chloe had been born on her due date, and all I could think about was how cool it would be to have TWO due date babies!

At least there was still hope for a St. Patrick’s Day baby… Ope, never mind, there goes that day too.

At this point, I began to mentally prepare myself that I may stay pregnant for another two weeks. Just in case.

Not. Cool.

Lucky for me, I woke up the next day feeling slight cramps. I tried to sleep most of them off while I cuddled with my sleeping toddler.




I knew I was going to miss these simple days. During the morning hours, I would let her sleep on my chest just to squeeze in a few extra hours of sleep each morning.



After a while, I realized the cramps felt a lot different than any cramp I had had during my pregnancy and they were not going away.

I woke up Hubby to tell him I thought I was in early labor, so that he could plan to take the day off of work. I text my mom, since she was planning on watching Chloe while I labored. I also sent a message to my doula, M, who said she had a feeling I would be contacting her that day!

M had been present at Chloe’s birth, and helped me with pain management as I worked toward the natural birth I wanted. Chloe’s birth was very difficult: It was long, painful, and scary.

Since it was only 16 months ago, it was still very fresh in my mind. I continually thought of it, and hoped this labor would be much easier.

Everyone kept saying, “Oh, the second baby is so much easier.” I sure hoped they were right! Still, the fresh memory of Chloe’s birth kept me from fully believing I could labor naturally again. I was very scared of doing this again.

I planned on just seeing how things went, and hoping I could have a better natural birth experience than I had before.

I got out of bed and took a warm shower. The shower actually made my contractions slow down quite a bit.

I began to feel normal again, despite occasional slight cramps. I was still walking around like normal, and I began cleaning my house.

Once Chloe woke up, we all went to the living-room and hung out for a while. hubby fed her breakfast while I cleaned and prepared some last minute things before baby Clare arrived.

Throughout the day, my contractions never got any stronger. I began to feel hesitant to even think I was in labor. We went about our day as usual, but had a lot of fun with Chloe. I took a nap while hubby took Chloe for a walk. He assured me that she had a blast picking flowers and petting any puppies that crossed their way. After that, we went to my parents house to hang out. We stayed there a few hours, letting Chloe play and run around.

Hubby and I went for a long walk when Chloe took her nap. We wanted to try and see if my contractions would kick up or turn into anything more. After walking for an hour, we took a rest, but then went for another walk later. We walked around the neighborhood with the entire family, including Chloe.

We walked a lot that day! Probably a grand total of 3 hours.

When we returned, it was pretty late (probably around 8 pm), and I assumed I was not going to start labor that night, even though I was still having occasional contractions and cramps.

While sitting at the table at my parents’ that evening, I felt my first REAL contraction. Pain in my back and my lower stomach, and it lasted about a minute. I felt a few of these pains, and then realized we should probably head home.

I wanted to labor at home for as long as I could. With Chloe, we went to the hospital waaaay too early (I showed up hurling in pain at 1 cm), and I didn’t want to do that again.

Of course, we were walking a fine line between laboring at home for as long as possible, and being careful not to arrive at the hospital too late.

Once we got home, we got Chloe in her pajamas and ready for bed. My mom and sister came to spend the night just in case we ended up going to the hospital. We watched Caillou and relaxed as much as we could. I continued to have contractions about 5-10 minutes apart. I felt them slowly getting stronger.

I insisted on putting Chloe to bed myself. I wanted this one last night when it was just me and her.

I quietly worked through several contractions while she drifted to sleep.

My mom slept in the room with Chloe, and my sister slept in the guest bedroom. My brother also unexpectedly showed up. Despite his trying to sleep in the living-room, I kicked him to the guest bedroom.
Hubby and I stayed in the living-room while I worked through contractions. They were getting very painful, to the point where I could not move during them. We tried to sleep a little bit, but it was just not happening. Every 5 minutes, I was moaning in pain.

For a few contractions, I tried to practice my self-control and make myself stay quiet during them. That only worked for about 2 or 3 contractions though. I usually found myself moaning through them.

I thought, yeah an epidural sounds pretty good right about now.

I felt so nervous… Because this already hurt so much and I knew it would get much worse. I was scared.

I lay on the couch, and Hubby was on a different chair. After a while, I asked him to come sit next to me and massage my back during each wave.

I kept getting this overwhelming feeling that I needed to push. With every contraction, I felt the urge. My pain was mostly in my back, and barely any in my stomach..

Around 1 am, I text M to tell her about the “pushing” feelings I was having.

We also called the midwife at the hospital, and she suggested we come in.

Call me stubborn, but I still did not feel it was time to head to the hospital. I was so scared of getting there too early. I knew that if I arrived and was only a couple of centimeters dilated, I would get discouraged and would be more likely to accept pain medication.

I tried to listen to my body. My contractions were still 5 to 7 minutes apart. It helped soooo much when Hubby massaged me during them. I tried to labor in different positions, and found contractions to be less painful when I was up and walking around.

I held my belly during them and tried to breathe.

Hubby and I turned the TV on, accepting that we would not be getting any sleep that night. We watched Law and Order, our current television addiction.

M text me back and said I should probably head to the hospital if I continued to feel the urge to push. She was afraid I’d end up in transition while in the car. She assured me she was ready to go whenever I was, and to listen to my body.

Around 6 am, we headed to the hospital.

I was still talking like normal and getting 5 minute breaks between contractions. I overall felt very good, despite the fact that I hadn’t slept all night, and I probably would have stayed home longer had I not been feeling like my baby was ready to push out on her own!

Once we arrived, Hubby dropped me off while he went to park the car. My sister came with us so she could photograph the birth. She walked in with me, and I was sent to Maternal Observation.

I was checked and was dilated to 5 centimeters. I was actually very happy with this progress! When I was in labor with Chloe, I was screaming for pain medication at 5 cm! I was surprised that I still felt as good as I did, and I was already half way there!

Even though I was already pre-registered at the hospital, they still had tons of questions I had to answer. Strange questions too…

like “What is your learning preference? Visual, auditory, or kinesthetic?” Really? I think I answered that before I took my practice S.A.T. Test in high school… Why would they need to know that while I am in labor?

Anyway, I lay on the bed and worked through several more contractions while being monitored.

I was admitted, and requested a room with a tub. Even though I was not planning on giving birth in the tub, I knew it had been great for pain management during Chloe’s birth, so I wanted it there just in case.

I was pushed in a wheelchair to a very relaxing labor room, which had a bed next to a computer, a small chair, and a couch. I saw the small baby bed, which had hats and diapers ready to go. I remember thinking, I can’t believe my baby is going to be the next one to lay in that bed!

Attached to the room was another small room with a laboring tub. It was huge! Much bigger than the one I used with Chloe. It was very deep, and had lots of space where I could, sit, kneel, or lie down if I needed to.

The first thing that happened was the nurses came in and attached me to the monitor again. They asked me tons more questions while I worked through contractions on the bed.

Even though I normally didn’t like being confined to the bed, it felt quite nice because I was so tired. I was going on no sleep and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to move.

I lay in the bed for probably about half an hour while the nurse and student nurse asked me questions.











They took my blood pressure, and checked my temperature. Turns out I had a slight fever, which they said was probably because I was dehydrated. So they attached me to an IV, which I had requested, and gave me a saline drip.

I wanted the IV attached to my arm and ready to go, mostly because of what happened at the end of Chloe’s birth.

After Chloe was born, I lost a lot of blood, which caused me to feel very cold, shaky, dizzy, and my blood pressure dropped. I ended up needing a shot of Pitocin to slow the bleeding.

Every midwife I talked to assured me that the bleeding after Chloe’s birth was most likely due to my having a long labor, and most felt confident it would not happen again.

Still, I wanted to be ready. I had the IV in my arm, though I was not attached to any wires, so I could still walk around and labor freely.

A student midwife came in to talk to me. She was so nice, and very kind. She mentioned that she wanted to check my dilation in about an hour, to see if I had progressed, and to see if it was the same as the nurse downstairs had said when I checked in.

I hesitantly agreed, even though I did not really want to be checked very often.

She left the room, and so did the nurses. I love that the care I receive is very non-interfering. If I wanted them in the room, they would stay. If I didn’t need them, which I didn’t, then I was free to labor how I wanted.


I walked around the room, working through contractions and trying several positions to see what helped. Because I still kept feeling like “pushing,” it was very hard for me to find a comfortable position. I ended up leaning over the bed a lot, tilting my pelvis by putting one leg on the bed. I also went on the birthing ball for a while, but not as much as I thought I would, because it was not that comfortable. I also ended up sitting on the toilet quite a bit. I don’t know why, but the seat was comfortable! Weird, I know. I still had all my clothes on, and I would just go sit on it like a chair.



A while later, the midwife came in to see how I was doing. I mentioned to her that I did not want to be checked for dilation if I didn’t have to be. I did not want to hear out loud that I had barely progressed, because I knew this would discourage me. I wanted to let my body do what it needed to do, and I did not want my mind to get in the way. She said this was perfectly fine, and that they would only check me when I wanted to be checked.

I agreed with this, and assured her we were doing good. She left for a while, and I continued to labor.

Contractions were very strong, and I moaned through them. I made it a point to keep my voice tone low, and to remain calm.



In my head, I would talk to myself, and say that every contraction brought me closer to my baby. I would remind myself not to fight it, but to go with the pain and let my body do its thing. I prayed a lot, also, thanking God that I still had breaks between contractions, and that I had made it this far without feeling overwhelmed or like I couldn’t take it.

I was shocked at how in control I felt. I honestly couldn’t believe I had made it this far and was still laughing, and joking around between contractions. I honestly think the environment I was in, and the people I was with made it much easier.



It was overall very relaxing. Yes… I just said child labor was relaxing. Ha ha

During each contraction, Hubby and M would massage my back. M brought small, round massage machines, and Hubby would press them against my tailbone. He pressed super hard, and it relieved my pain quite a bit. They vibrated, so he did not have to move them around or anything, just press super hard. I would tell him when I needed him to massage higher on my back, or lower. M would massage and rub my shoulders.

All my pain was in my back! I remember feeling slight pain in my lower abdomen, but that was so insignificant it was like it wasn’t even there!

The nurse would come in every once in a while and do some intermittent monitoring of the baby. They checked her heart rate and made sure she was doing all right.

But after a while, my contractions got overbearingly strong. I started to feel more and more horrible during each one.

I leaned over the door to the bathroom for a while, mainly because I couldn’t work up the energy to continue walking and make it to the other room. Through maybe 3 or 4 contractions, I’d lean into the door.


I felt nauseous at times. I smelled Clary Sage oil, which M had brought. She mentioned it was a labor inducing essential oil. She put a few drops on a scarf, which we lay across the bed. I smelled the oil for a while, until it started to smell too strong and I moved it out of the way.


Hubby did awesome. He was also very nervous about how this would go! He was open to whatever I wanted to do. Here he is being super sweet and talking to me, telling me I was doing good.

At this point, the nurses came back in and told me they needed to do some continual monitoring of the baby. I was going to have to lay in the bed for 15 minutes while they monitored her heartbeat, just to make sure she was doing good.


I lay down, and I felt horrible laying in the bed. I don’t know if I was screaming through contractions yet, or if I was still moaning. All I know was I felt like crap, and I did not like that nobody could massage my back while I was laying on the bed.



Hubby and M stood on each side of the bed, and held both of my hands. During each contraction, all I wanted to do was squeeze their hands super tight… but I didn’t. I don’t know why, but I could not make my hands squeeze, and instead I just kept all the pain within myself. I just took it. But I still wanted them there next to me; at one point when Hubby walked away, a nurse tried to hold my hand, but I just called for Hubby to come instead.


Everyone was crowded around me, including the nurses, midwife, and student midwife.The midwife mentioned I should probably get checked, since she thought I was getting close.



She asked me if my water had broken yet, which it didn’t… I think. That’s why I didn’t think my body was close, or ready to have this baby.

In my mind, I also kept thinking that it wasn’t too late to get pain medication. I could end all this right now, and lay down and relax. I could not get that out of my head, but somehow could not work up the gut enough to ask for it. My brain wrestled with itself, and all of a sudden things started to feel chaotic.



“Would you like me to break your water bag?” the midwife asked. “It may help to speed things along.”

I was so scared. I wasn’t sure I wanted to speed things along.

And for me to have to make that decision? I have to decide to allow myself to enter myself into much more pain than I’m already in?

She assured me I did not have to decide right now, left the room, and said she would come back in a few minutes to see what I decided.

I talked with Hubby and M about what I should do.

I felt so scared, because I knew the pain was only going to get worse. I started weeping and crying.

Through my tears, I said out loud, “In my head, I’m not even sure I can do this without medicine….It’s still in my head!… I’m so scared because I know this is going to get worse!” I slowly and quietly sobbed.

Hubby said, “If you want something, we can get it right now. Whatever you want to do, babe.”

I snapped, “I don’t want medicine!”

I didn’t want medicine. I knew that. But I could not stop wrestling with myself.

The nurse stood by my side, monitoring the baby. She hugged me and said, “Sweetie, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”



M reassured me that I had made it this far without anything, and I was doing great. She reminded me of Chloe’s birth, and how much harder it was at this point. She also reminded me that the birthing tub was there, and said how much relief I will feel once I am in the water.

I don’t know what I would have done without her words. They reassured me that I could do this, and no matter how scared I felt, I needed to suck it up and rise above that.

I said out loud, “I just need to get my head in the right place.” I knew natural birth has everything to do with the mind.

I made the decision to have the midwife break my water. I knew that if I didn’t, then I would eventually end up in a world of pain anyway. I just wanted to get it over with at this point; better sooner so I could get this labor done.

We paged the midwives, who shortly came and had me lay down in the bed.

I got checked for dilation, and I was 7 cm. The midwife kept trying to wait until I was between contractions so that she could try to break my water. “Just do it! Just do it!” I kept telling her. I wanted this over with before I could think about it anymore!

She tried to break my water.

She tried, and she tried, and she tried.

I don’t know how long I lay there. It felt like 2 or 3 minutes of her searching for my water bag, but she could not find it!

She said she could feel baby’s head very low (and Clare ended up having a few scratches on her head from these attempts), but she could not find my water bag!

So we didn’t even know if it had already broken, or if baby was so low, that she was completely blocking the bag and had it all behind her.

I don’t know how I felt. Mostly stupid, for being so scared at something that ended up not even happening.

By the time she was done trying, I was “paper thin” and 8 cm.

I remember feeling so happy that I had progressed a cm while being distracted with this endeavor.

With me being 8 cm, the nurses and midwives all stayed in the room for the rest of my labor. And it’s a good thing they did, or I may have pushed that baby out without them!

I got into the birthing tub, which I found surprisingly relaxing. “You’re going to feel so much better once you get in the tub! You will feel so relaxed!” the midwives kept telling me. Well, I didn’t believe them.

I was scared to believe them, honestly. I didn’t want to think I was going to get relief this far into active labor!

But, oh gosh, was I wrong.

The tub… was… amazing…!!!

It was so incredibly relaxing. I could breathe. Things finally seemed easier.

I just wanted to fall asleep…

The midwife said that most moms will have their contractions slow down while in the tub, because they get so relaxed. She warned me that if this happened, I would have to get out for a while until my contractions kicked back up.





Hubby sat next to me in the tub (yes it was big enough for both of us!) and he poured water on my stomach.

The midwife told me, “Now, your actual contractions may feel worse, but between them you will feel so much better.” Not really what I wanted to hear, and then soon discover she was right.

I had one huge contraction, and it felt worse than any other contraction I’d had. It seemed to last forever, and it was so extremely painful!

Someone… not sure who (maybe the nurse?) put a cold rag over my forehead. I did not like it there, but couldn’t really work the nerve to say that out loud. Then I decided it was kind of relaxing anyway.



I felt the urge to push, but I thought, how can this be? I’m supposed to get so relaxed that I was going to have to get out of the tub?!

“If I feel like I have to push… Should I push?” I asked the midwife. I couldn’t believe that I already felt like this.

“Yes! You do whatever it is you feel like your body needs to do.”

My screams became louder, and I think at that point, they also recognized that maybe I was already pushing. The midwife checked me, and she sounded so shocked… “Yup! She’s complete!”

I had gone from 7 cm to complete within minutes! I was shocked, yet so relieved!

Hubby got behind me in the tub. I pressed against his body with each contraction. “You’re doing it! You’re doing it!” I could hear he was also in disbelief that we had gotten this far so quickly. His tone of voice was disbelief, yet I could tell he was so proud.

I kept wanting to kick my right leg. It floated in the water and I continually kicked it.

The midwife grabbed it, trying to gently ease it onto a spot in the tub that I could press against. But for some reason, I wanted to keep gently moving it. I could hear her, kind of laughing “I keep wanting to help her rest her foot, but I think she just wants to move it!”

I looked up at the clock.

I don’t remember what time it was, I don’t even think that’s what I was looking for.

I was so scared I’d be pushing for hours. Earlier, one of the midwives had mentioned that a mom was there earlier and she pushed for three hours! With Chloe, I pushed for an hour!

I did not want to be here that long.

I wanted to be finished with this.

Pushing my baby out created a different kind of pain than my contractions were. I was in disbelief that I was already here, so I felt very mentally unprepared. It was all happenning so fast!

I heard M, who was sitting to my left, “Don’t fight it. Remember not to fight it.” She talked very calmly.

I think I snapped, “I’m not fighting it!” but a small part of me was. Because I still couldn’t believe I was here!

I took her advice.

I let my body push when I felt like it needed to. No matter how much it hurt, I went with it. I relaxed my body as much as I could.

I screamed into Hubby's ear with each contraction. I could remember myself screaming like this when I was in labor with Chloe. I sounded exactly the same… Like a monster.

Only a few pushes later, and I heard “Her head is out!”

Felt like minutes. I had pushed for only minutes! The midwife told me to relax, and then give one more big push to get her body out.

With my next urge, I thought, “Oh my gosh, her head is out!! She is out! I’m almost done!”

I gave another big push and I felt her coming out.

Again, just like that, all the pain was gone.

I was in utter disbelief at what had just happened. It all happened so fast, that my brain didn’t have a chance to catch up to where my body was.

I stared at my new daughter, and all I could say was “Oh my God! Oh my gosh!” over and over.





But I wasn’t screaming it like you may imagine. I was softly crying it.

I finally had the birth I had imagined. This is what it was supposed to be like. I didn’t fight it, I went with it and trusted what God had made our bodies to do.







Clare was beautiful. She was so alert and stared right at us.



I remember I didn’t quite know how to hold her. I’d been so used to carrying my 20 pound toddler, and Clare seemed so tiny in comparison.

We left her cord to pulse for 8 minutes. We sat in the tub, and stared at her, and cried.

It was a beautiful 8 minutes.









Hubby cut the cord, and they took Clare to the next room so they could wrap her up and see how she was doing.





All of a sudden, the very thing that we thought wouldn’t happen again, did.

I started to feel very lightheaded. Extremely dizzy.

“I think… I’m… gonna… faint…” I managed to say very weakly.

I started seeing black spots, and before I knew it, I passed out.

Everyone around me began rushing around. And I knew this, because even though I could not see anything, I could still hear all the chaos around me.

I felt blood pouring out of me, and I knew I was once again losing tons of blood.

I heard the midwife demanding this and that, telling the nurse to go get this, telling Hubby to get out of the tub.

I woke up a little bit, only to see the nurse coming up behind me and sticking a giant needle of Pitocin into my right thigh.

How could this be happening again? I thought. This isn’t supposed to happen again!

I could hear Clare screaming in the background. I could hear the midwife asking me questions, trying to get me to respond.

I passed out again.

This time, I passed out completely. I’m not sure how long I was out before I woke up and remembered what was going on. I felt very woozy and droopy.

I was still in the tub.

I went in and out of consciousness, I don’t even know how many times.

One midwife sat behind me, to my left. She was holding my head up as well as she could, and all of a sudden put a cotton swab full of alcohol right up against my nose.

“Breathe deep through your nose,” she said frantically.

I did.

The smell of the alcohol made me wake up quite a bit.

I lifted my head a little, just in response to how strong the smell was.

She kept making me smell the alcohol pads, pressing them tight against my nostrils.

I could see one midwife trying to drain the tub as I sat in it.

It was full if blood, and I could feel clot after clot pouring out of me. There was so much blood and it clogged the tub.

Within all the chaos, I felt my head falling again. In my mind, everything felt so loud. A part of me felt I could die. Another part of me knew I’d make it through, because I had once before.

I thought of Chloe. My sweet Chloe was waiting for me at Grandma’s house.

I pictured her sweet face, and thought of how lovely she was and how much she needed me.

Chloe needs me, I thought.

I took another deep breath, coughing at the smell of the alcohol in my nose.

“There you go, there you go,” my midwife approvingly spoke.

Before long, I felt a little better. I was no longer in and out of consciousness, but I still felt dizzy and weak.

The midwives decided I may feel better if I were laying down.

I don’t really remember how they got me into the bed… Maybe they brought a wheelchair to me? Maybe they just carried me the way a trainer carries an injured football player off the field…?

Somehow, someway, I ended up back on the hospital bed.

And then I felt much better.

My breathing, which seemed so frantic in my mind, finally felt normal. I relaxed.

I took steady deep breaths, and calmed my nerves.

“You did that on no sleep, no food, and hardly any water.” Someone (the midwife?) told me.

They were sure that contributed to the awful grand finale of Clare’s birth.

By this time, Clare was screaming with hunger. I knew it because I peaked over and saw her trying to eat her hands.





They weighed her- 6 pounds 9 ounces.
1 ounce bigger than Chloe was.

20 inches long… 1 inch bigger than Chloe.

They swaddled her, and Hubby got to hold her a while. It was so sweet seeing the way he stared at her.



He handed her to me, and I stared at her. She was so perfect.
So small.

It was like de ja vu. How could I be holding another baby?

A part of me felt like she was a complete stranger… Only because I had been so used to holding Chloe.
Yet she had grown in my belly. I just couldn’t believe how fast it had all
happened.



A lot of things were going through my mind, but Clare grew hungrier.

I nursed her for the first time, and she took to it like a duck to water. She latched perfectly and ate like a champ.

This birth experience was amazing.
I went from doubting myself, to convincing myself I could.

It’s all a mind game, it seems like. Your head has to be in the right place. Even after it was over, and I was losing a lot of blood, it was having my mind in the right place that got me through.

Chloe got me through it. In the end, I feel she gave me the strength to wake up. She is my strength and I thank God for her every day.



This is Chloe meeting her baby sister for the first time. She was very confused, because she had been staying with Grandma the past couple of days, and she was really emotional when she saw me.



Okay, I admit, I was emotional too. I cried when she left from her visit. Now, Chloe is a great big sister! She calls Clare “Baby!” and says “Nice” when she touches her. It’s so sweet

My sweet Clare is so adorable. God blessed me with such a great baby! She sleeps great at night (so far…). And she is so smiley!!!

She loves to stare at faces, and smile and coo.

She is too cute for words, I love her so much.
I’m so glad for the birth experience I had. I no longer feel afraid of birth like I was at the beginning.

I feel I could do it again and not be so afraid… Even though I think we are ready for a nice long break before we have another!

Ok so my baby is only 4 days old but I seriously have only slept 3 hours in 2 days because my 2 year old is up all day and my baby has been up at night. What are ways that have helped your LOs to figure out day vs night? I did this with my first but the lack of sleep is getting to my brain. We use black out curtains at night and make it bright and noisy during the day... any other tips? Thanks!!

Well I got the adventures in Tandem nursing last week and I haven't gotten very far but so far it's been discouraging for me. Apparently the statistics aren't in my favor.

But I did want to share my two favorite pregnant nursing positions, side laying and him standing.

I know there are other ladies that were nursing and pregnant, how are you doing?

Sorry I've been gone a while but have been going through some rough times with a couple big life changes besides having my baby girl on March 30th. My doc just prescribed a low dose Zoloft but I'm really afraid to take it because I have heard it makes you nauseous and sleepy which I don't need and dries up your breastmilk which I already am worried about since my baby stopped feeding at night recently and I feel like I don't make enough milk anymore. Anyone have experience with Zoloft? Any suggestions?

It seems this decision over wether to take this meds is causing me more anxiety than anything! I never had to take antidepressant and it makes me super nervous.

Fynn loves cuddling me! He has to be close to me ???? and I better not hear any negative crap about cosleeping! I have coslept with all 5 of my babies and they are just fine ????