I have pram stress! argh! for the money we spent I am just worried!
As we rock slowly back and forth, my baby boy and me.
His little hand is feather light tucked up against my chin.
I hold his tiny hand in mine, and stroke his baby skin.
The house about us creaks and groans, the clock hands creep around.
He snuggles closer to me still, and makes his baby sounds.
I love these quiet hours so much, and cherish every one.
Store memories up inside my heart for lonely nights to come.
All too soon he'll be grown up, his need for Mama gone.
But until then I still have time for kisses and for song.
Time for quiet hours like this with him cuddled in my arms.
Where I wish he'd always stay protected, safe and warm.
And yet I know the day will come when his tiny little hand,
will be bigger than my own. He'll grow to be a man.
But until then he's mine to love with no one here to see.
As we rock slowly back and forth, my baby boy and me.
Sooo...we're visiting my husband's sister, her husband and kids for the holidays. They live on the other side of the country, and since she has a rather large house she offered to let us stay there for our stay (3 days). We're on day 2 at the moment. Earlier today, they took the kids to a friends house for a birthday party, leaving my husband and I alone for the first time since our arrival. So we do what any couple would do...we go up to our room and start getting it on like animal planet. I'm talking hot nasty porno stuff that you get caught up in and lose track of time. I'm sure you think you know where this is going, but don't get too cocky yet. So here we are, doing the deed, and he bends me over the dresser. Beautiful dresser with a huge ornate mirror attached to the back of it. Or so I thought. He's behind me, going to town, quite hard I might add. I'm really enjoying myself, when suddenly a 50 lb weight hits me in the head and I'm pinned down to the dresser. You guessed it: that mother f*** ing cock sucking piece of s*** mirror. This mirror belongs in mother f*** ing Buckingham palace its so gaudy and heavy. I am not kidding when I say I cannot move. so I start screaming and trying to tell my husband to get it the f*** off me, when I realize he hasn't said a thing, or isn't laughing, which is what I figured he'd be doing. You know why? Because that piece of s*** mirror hit him on the head before pinning me down and knocked him out cold. Here's your visual: I'm butt ass naked, bent over and pinned down to a dresser, and my husband is laying on the floor with a concussion (also butt ass naked). I'm crying slightly hysterically (who wouldn't be?) when lo and f*** ing behold everyone decides to come back from the birthday party (I didn't hear them enter the house, I was crying). Hearing my hysterics, his sister comes running, and you can imagine the scene she finds when she walks in.
You may be asking yourself, why couldn't I just push the mirror off? Or wiggle out? Well, I left out the best f*** ing part of the story. Being the freaks we are, I was handcuffed, and had a gag ball in my mouth (a nice one with a leather strap and holes in it, for those of you wondering how I'm still able to cry and scream). My handcuffs prevented me from lifting the mirror off me, and were caught on the edge of it, so I couldn't wiggle out. This is what my sister in law walks into.
Just to let you know, my husband is fine. He went to the ER, and has nothing to worry about.
Except for the fact that neither of us has a shred of dignity left.
Moral of my story: Do your screwing on your own time, in your own house. Especially if its freaky. I know I will.
Did I mention I still have to stay here another day?
UPDATE: Holy crap, I never thought this would get so many replies! And I can't find the humor in it yet myself, but I know if I was reading this, I would laugh too.
Anyways, for those asking who didn't see my earlier reply, we orginally thought we'd be in a hotel, which is why our toys were packed. I wouldn't have brought them if I had known we'd be staying at his sisters, but once we started getting it on, we remembered them, and were like, "why not?"
We went down to eat breakfast this morning (I didn't want to leave the bedroom, my husband forced me), and everyone was sitting at the table. My niece (who's 5) looks at my husband and yells, "what happened to your head Uncle Matt?" Did I mention he has a huge, blue, baseball shaped lump on his head? He looks at her and says he had fell, to which our 7 yr old nephew replies: "That's not what mom told daddy what happened".
Well, I'm honestly about to burst into tears, and my sister in law decides to make it worse by announcing instead of taking the kids to see the Christmas lights, they'll all just relax at home and looks pointedly at me. Wtf? Does she really expect me to be waiting for another chance to do the nasty? I'm not a f*** ing pervert. So now my niece and nephew are mad at us, since they're smart enough to pick up that this is somehow our fault. I'm up in our room under the pretense of "finding all our stuff and making sure its packed". I think I'll stay here all day.
Oh, btw my husband had a text this morning from his mom that said, "call me when you get a chance please dear". I can only guess what she wants to talk about.
to answer a couple of questions:
yes that f*** ing mirror is fine. that thing would probably survive a nuclear bomb.
also, to the pp that asked, my SIL helped get the mirror off me, but then turned around to help my husband (which is what I wanted her to do). I had to stand there naked, cuffed, and gagged while he came around, then he dug out the keys and helped me.
I love/d Wombat Stew and adored all the Choose Your Own Adventure series when I was a child.
My children love everything by Pamela Allen, as well as a beautiful pop up book we have of Narnia. They also enjoy 'She Swallowed a Fly' I find it funny how that story has changed since my childhood!
I also enjoyed Paul Jennings and Roald Dahl as a pre teen.
What are some others you remember?