This forum is a general discussion area for topics involving Natural Birth.
It began February 13, 2011 when I woke up at midnight in labor. I was 19years old, very alone, severely depressed, and a victim of physical, mental, and emotional abuse by the man who got me pregnant then promptly left. I remained calm until I got to the hospital, I wasn't ready. I immediately asked for pain relief, they refused since I was only 4cm. All I could think over the next hours being strapped to that bed was how much I hated myself for bringing someone into this world without having what he would need. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to run away, I thought of ways to make labor disappear. I wanted my baby but I was certain that my baby would not want me. For 7 hours I continually exhausted and abused my thoughts of how deserving I was every time I was attacked, hit, shoved, and left. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt physically, and also emotionally..and I was doing it to myself. I asked for the epidural again, I just didn't want to feel anything anymore. They said they'd call the anesthesiologist. I fought against the pain and my thoughts so hard, I wanted to die. In that moment, I gave up. I stopped thinking, I stopped doing, I literally went limp and let go. I don't remember much between then and when I began pushing, but apparently it went fast because by the time the anesthesiologist showed up, I was too far gone for an epidural, and was ready to push.
So started my new life. I recall pushing for an hour, so clearly. I remember feeling as if God was standing overt shoulder, giving me strength in every sense of the word. Yes, me, who very adamantly refused to believe in any deity my entire life beforehand, I had God present at my sons birth, and I knew it. Isn't that amazing? I never felt so good as I did in that moment of birthing my 8lb 18in son into this world. I did it! I did amazing, look what I did, my body is wonderful. When he was put on my chest, I was filled with love, love for my son, and love for ME. I've never been back to that dark place, and I truly thank the Lord for letting me feel that pain and then to show up the very second I had completely given up and He gave me redemption. I swear to you I am not a religious nut, but with such a powerful experience for a non believer, I want to shout it from the rooftops!
Its been a long, winding road for me and my son..who is now nearing 3 years old. It took me a while to find a rhythm in motherhood, and I completely adore my role and the new surprises I encounter every day. We welcomed the man of my dreams into our lives, along with my step daughter, and now our family is growing by one in a few short months.
So no, I don't want to be induced, strapped to a bed, and a needle in my spine. I want to feel every damn pain that comes on, and embrace it. Instead of fighting back and hating myself, I'm going to give in to God and the process and thank my beautiful body for growing two of the most amazing people on earth. I want to feel that closeness with myself, my baby, and with God all over again and in a different light. If I had gotten the epidural, I would have went numb to my surroundings and never gone through what I did, I wouldn't be the same person or mother or wife I am today.
So when people ask who will be in the room when I give birth to my daughter, I answer without a doubt "my husband, and God".
I'm not very nervous for the labor itself but rather the pushing. I'm beyond terrified and would love to have some insight.
What does labor feel like? I've heard they are like period cramps from hell, true?
How long did your labor last with your first baby? How long did you push for?
Did laboring on the tub help a lot?
Was the labor or the pushing worse?
How bad did the pushing hurt? What does the pushing feel like?
Sorry for all the questions lol. Thanks in advanced mommas (: