Hi Ladies,
Thank you all for sharing your stories. Please keep in mind that this app does not condone violence, whether it is directed against others or against yourself.
A quick google for "self-harm prevention hotline" and "domestic abuse helpline" brought this return back. I'm positive that if you try a search yourself, you will find a multitude of resources staffed by trained crisis intervention professionals. Most services like this are free to use and promise confidential and anonymous counseling.
(The below are for people based in the United States. If you would like help finding resources in another country, please send a note to community at alt12.com and we will do our best to help you set up a search that result in valid options for you.)
(The below are not endorsed by Alt12 but are provided as a convenience to you after a keyword search)
*1-800-DON’T-CUT – More info on self-injury
*http://www.selfinjury.com – Referrals for therapists and tips for how to stop.
*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you’re about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.
*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
*1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide.
*1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation’s 24-hour national crisis line.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline
http://www.thehotline.org/
1.800.799.SAFE
*1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens’ help line.
----------------------------
----------------------------
Information on Antenatal Depression
(Depression During Pregnancy)
- This information is relinked as a convenience to you based off a basic Google search. It does not replace a consultation with your health care professional and the below is not an endorsement or recommendation by Alt12 or Baby Bump.
If you think you might be having depressive episodes during your pregnancy, please consult with your doctor about the best form of treatment for you and your family.
General Overview of Antenatal Depression
http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/depression-pregnancy.cfm#h
Types of Depression (Antenatal and Postnatal)
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/Depressionduringpregnancyandthepostnatalperiod.pdf
Depression and Medication during Pregnancy and Nursing
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/DN00007
Best wishes,
Zella
Group Activity
by 19secondbbe on Apr 10, 2012
Dear ****,
I knew my words would fail me, so I wanted to send you this letter. I hope that you can read it with an open heart, and know that I wish things could have gone differently. Just because you were the one to end our relationship doesn't mean that you get to have the last word about its effects and consequences. I am writing this out to you instead of speaking to you directly because I think it is the best way to say what I want to say without getting angry or overly emotional.
Goodbyes aren't easy, and I really don't know the best way to do it. I guess I just need you to know that I'll never forget you. I'll always remember our first time having sex 2 years ago. You were so nervous that you were shaking but you blamed it on you being cold, it was the cutest thing in the world. And those moments we shared when you would hold me in your arms in my bed late into the night keeping me warm and keeping me company, will forever be in my memories.
Do you remember how we cried reading poems thinking that I was going to get an abortion? We would cry constantly for the loss of our daughter knowing we would never see her, see her grow up, grow strong, and love her while she's alive. We failed to get the abortion. It was too late, you remember that? Friday was actually her birthday. It totally left my mind since I was so consumed with spending that horrible day with you at the park.. She two months now. Now it seems that you would of been much happier with the abortion. I don't know what happened between us. I know it's scary being a young parent but by the time she is 18 we will be only in our 30's. We will be so young still and have all our life together.. Really having her right now was the best time for me to have a child. It may have not for you but I don't stick in one place for too long. I want to see the world. I wanted you to come with me. I feel like you think she is a mistake when she isn't. She is the best thing in the world besides you. I hate how you make me feel like you hate her. That you left me because of her. However, I know that is not the reason, we both love her no matter what. Friday I wanted to kiss you. I knew it would be either a welcoming back kiss or a goodbye kiss.. I couldn't bring myself to do it. To find out which path we were taking. I was scared but I wish I had kissed you. I would know how you truly felt then. Maybe I didn't because I didn't want to face the truth..? I dont really know. All i know is that no matter how either of us feels we are saying goodbye to one another. I don't expect a goodbye back from you like usual, just keep reading to let me get my thoughts out there.
You are going to say that this is my choice and what i wanted. That you had no part in us saying goodbye. Maybe its true, but maybe not. I know you want another girl. There has always been another girl in this relationship.. I didn't sign up for a love triangle, i know that for sure. I know this is mostly what you want. This is not how i wanted our relationship to go. I wanted us to grow old together. To marry you as soon as possible, Yes i was ready and knew i loved you enough to marry you for eternity. Maybe i was more committed than you were, who knows. All i know is that you, some where inside of you, are happy that im leaving so you can finally be happy with your other girl in peace now. I also know, that some where deep inside you, you are sad this is ending. You haven't tried to revive our relationship so i know that your other girl holds more of you then i do now. I cannot control that. I will always love you and i will make sure our daughter thinks the best of you. One day she may come looking for you despite you not wanting her too. If that day does come, please make sure to be honest with her but not break her heart. I am very sad that you walked away from your girls, your daughter and I. It is your life though, I can't and would never force you to stay somewhere you don't want to.
I'm hurt that you broke up with me the way you did. It was abrupt, confusing and painful. I'm not saying that you didn't have good reasons. There were a lot of things that needed to be worked on in our relationship, such as the scare of having a child together and both of our attitude problems. But if you had brought up the feelings that you were having earlier, we might have worked through them. At the very least, I would have had some idea that you were having doubts. As it was, I feel like you dumped me out of nowhere, and that makes me feel even worse.
You said that you wanted to stay friends with me. I hope that someday that becomes possible, but for now it's just too painful. While I want nothing but happiness for you, keep in mind that you've broken my heart. It's going to take some time to heal.Maybe if we would have treated each other better, we wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe a little more hard work could have gotten us over this hump, and we would be fine and happy for the rest of our lives.
The problem is, neither one of us is willing to work on ourselves or put any effort into the relationship. And that has to mean something. Even though we love each other, we just can't seem to make the effort to get us to a better place, so I know that means we need to say goodbye. Maybe loving each other means we admit that we can't do what's best for one another, right?
I'm never going to forget you. You taught me how to stop caring about myself and how to care about others. We went through having our first child of our lives together, and I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am that you were there for me.
I hope that we can try to end this as friends. I understand that will be difficult in the beginning, but maybe on down the road we can find a way to at least be friendly. I can't imagine you not being in my life at all, and I will always want to hear updates on your life once we get to a better place where we can talk to one another without bringing out our love and pain.
Maybe this isn't goodbye, exactly. Just an acknowledgement that we won't ever be the couple we intended to be, and that it's okay for us to move on and try to better ourselves separately. I am fairly sure our paths will continue to meet. Maybe someday I’ll be more mature and better prepared for whatever comes my way, but I cannot anymore handle the pain you have unknowingly caused me these past months.
Don’t get me wrong. You have made me very happy just by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. From the time we first started going out until now, you have unfailingly shown me how it is to be really cared for and cherished. At the same time you have managed to keep my feet on the ground, always reminding me that my life is my own and no one else’s. I thank you for that. You taught me how to fully comprehend what real love is like. Just by showing me in your own way, you made me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers.
You have kept my feet on the ground and yet showed me how beautiful the stars and skies are.
We have dreamed together. Laughed together. Whenever I needed your comport and strength, your level-headedness and rationality, you were always there for me. Our relationship has gone through a lot of things ranging from the serious to the stupid and we were able to weather the storms together, you and I mainly because we knew how to properly steer the relationship back to its proper course.
I guess the only thing that went wrong is my falling in love with you and the accompanying issues of where this relationship is really headed and the roles we will actually play in each other’s lives. I know you will never fully commit yourself to any one women-knowing you, I’m sure of that
No one is to blame. Not you, nor me, nor whoever else is sharing you with me…maybe I’m just a victim of circumstance like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don’t anymore know if I can handle things the same way I’ve handled them before. Your presence and your help will not matter. Seeing you and being with you when we spend time together gives me a certain kind of happiness only you can give. But every time you leave me, my heart breaks, knowing for certain that you have to attend to the needs of the others who need you too like me.
I am hurting and I have to heal my wounds alone. I cannot do this with you in my life, because every time you leave me, the pain recurs.
I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much. But contrary to what I used to believe, I’m not as tough as I thought I would be. I try so hard to be strong, to think that your other relationships do not matter, but they do matter…a lot. So I have to let you go now. I do not want to do this-but I must. Call it false bravado on my part. I know I’ll be hurting myself more by saying goodbye to you now, but I am unable to continue as if things haven’t changed.
I love you so much it hurts to say goodbye. But I am ashamed to admit that no matter how much I love you, no matter how deep my feelings already are for you, I cannot stay in the relationship anymore and fight for you, for us. What is there to fight for? My love for you, which you do not want to acknowledge? A future with you which looks very uncertain at this time? It is difficult to stay and fight when you do not know what it is you’re fighting for.
Things haven’t changed in our relationship at all. The caring, our mutual respect for each other, helping each other out and being there for each other….nothing has changed. And I know that if I decide to stay in relationship, nothing will change and things will go on as they have before.
You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you and the past months with a smile and with wistfulness for being the one responsible for throwing it all away… but I have to go now. I am afraid that if I stay, something will be destroyed---either be part of you, a part of me, our friendship or the relationship itself. I don’t really know. At least by leaving now, I am sure that everything remains intact, the relationship beautiful untouched unmarred by jealousy and hatred we both don’t deserve a relationship that would always be fraught with questions and conditions. I am unable to see myself as a true-blue kept woman anyway
I cannot hold on to something I don’t believe in anymore. It would have been really nice to grow old with you…to laugh with you while reminiscing about the years that have passed…to share with you my whole life, and I would share with you yours…but I guess now is not right time for us, or maybe we’re just not meant to be really together, now or forever, I don’t really know. You deserve someone who will fully understand your needs and your personality, I guess I deserve someone who will love me like you have done, only that he’ll be going out with me and me alone…it’s painful to say goodbye but even more painful to stay. Please understand that I have to do this somehow.
Sometimes, it comes a point in our lives when we have to think what we are doing and where we are heading. When happiness fades, we need to look for new beginnings. When love dies, we need to step away and carve out the dead feelings.
I know it is difficult to let this relationship go. We have been through so much together that it hurts just recalling a tiny fraction of the time we spent as a couple. But I also know it will only hurt more if we let this relationship drift. The same inevitable parting will confront us then making it even harder for us to recover and find that elusive happiness and peace of mind.
We have had our fair share of love and happiness. Let that be the memories that will stay with us as we go our separate ways. Continuing on will only leave us with more bitter recollections that will overwhelm the happier shades that we once shared. That's simply because true happy moments will never be possible from now on when the magical feeling has long gone. Instead, what will set in is indifference, making us strangers, not lovers, in our own home.
Perhaps you will find that I'm trying to justify my decision to move on. To alleviate my guilt of leaving this relationship. Maybe I am and for that I'm truly sorry. But I also strongly believe that a person as special as you deserves someone much better. Someone who can love and cherish you the way a lover should rather than depending on crumbs from a dying feeling which is better left buried.
"Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough.
We only part to meet again.
Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.
You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind."
I love you. No amount of time or space can change that. I will always love you until the day my heart stops beating. Please remember it while we're apart.
So, I'll just say, "see you later," and maybe we'll talk again one day.
Your forever lost lover,
****
I knew my words would fail me, so I wanted to send you this letter. I hope that you can read it with an open heart, and know that I wish things could have gone differently. Just because you were the one to end our relationship doesn't mean that you get to have the last word about its effects and consequences. I am writing this out to you instead of speaking to you directly because I think it is the best way to say what I want to say without getting angry or overly emotional.
Goodbyes aren't easy, and I really don't know the best way to do it. I guess I just need you to know that I'll never forget you. I'll always remember our first time having sex 2 years ago. You were so nervous that you were shaking but you blamed it on you being cold, it was the cutest thing in the world. And those moments we shared when you would hold me in your arms in my bed late into the night keeping me warm and keeping me company, will forever be in my memories.
Do you remember how we cried reading poems thinking that I was going to get an abortion? We would cry constantly for the loss of our daughter knowing we would never see her, see her grow up, grow strong, and love her while she's alive. We failed to get the abortion. It was too late, you remember that? Friday was actually her birthday. It totally left my mind since I was so consumed with spending that horrible day with you at the park.. She two months now. Now it seems that you would of been much happier with the abortion. I don't know what happened between us. I know it's scary being a young parent but by the time she is 18 we will be only in our 30's. We will be so young still and have all our life together.. Really having her right now was the best time for me to have a child. It may have not for you but I don't stick in one place for too long. I want to see the world. I wanted you to come with me. I feel like you think she is a mistake when she isn't. She is the best thing in the world besides you. I hate how you make me feel like you hate her. That you left me because of her. However, I know that is not the reason, we both love her no matter what. Friday I wanted to kiss you. I knew it would be either a welcoming back kiss or a goodbye kiss.. I couldn't bring myself to do it. To find out which path we were taking. I was scared but I wish I had kissed you. I would know how you truly felt then. Maybe I didn't because I didn't want to face the truth..? I dont really know. All i know is that no matter how either of us feels we are saying goodbye to one another. I don't expect a goodbye back from you like usual, just keep reading to let me get my thoughts out there.
You are going to say that this is my choice and what i wanted. That you had no part in us saying goodbye. Maybe its true, but maybe not. I know you want another girl. There has always been another girl in this relationship.. I didn't sign up for a love triangle, i know that for sure. I know this is mostly what you want. This is not how i wanted our relationship to go. I wanted us to grow old together. To marry you as soon as possible, Yes i was ready and knew i loved you enough to marry you for eternity. Maybe i was more committed than you were, who knows. All i know is that you, some where inside of you, are happy that im leaving so you can finally be happy with your other girl in peace now. I also know, that some where deep inside you, you are sad this is ending. You haven't tried to revive our relationship so i know that your other girl holds more of you then i do now. I cannot control that. I will always love you and i will make sure our daughter thinks the best of you. One day she may come looking for you despite you not wanting her too. If that day does come, please make sure to be honest with her but not break her heart. I am very sad that you walked away from your girls, your daughter and I. It is your life though, I can't and would never force you to stay somewhere you don't want to.
I'm hurt that you broke up with me the way you did. It was abrupt, confusing and painful. I'm not saying that you didn't have good reasons. There were a lot of things that needed to be worked on in our relationship, such as the scare of having a child together and both of our attitude problems. But if you had brought up the feelings that you were having earlier, we might have worked through them. At the very least, I would have had some idea that you were having doubts. As it was, I feel like you dumped me out of nowhere, and that makes me feel even worse.
You said that you wanted to stay friends with me. I hope that someday that becomes possible, but for now it's just too painful. While I want nothing but happiness for you, keep in mind that you've broken my heart. It's going to take some time to heal.Maybe if we would have treated each other better, we wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe a little more hard work could have gotten us over this hump, and we would be fine and happy for the rest of our lives.
The problem is, neither one of us is willing to work on ourselves or put any effort into the relationship. And that has to mean something. Even though we love each other, we just can't seem to make the effort to get us to a better place, so I know that means we need to say goodbye. Maybe loving each other means we admit that we can't do what's best for one another, right?
I'm never going to forget you. You taught me how to stop caring about myself and how to care about others. We went through having our first child of our lives together, and I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am that you were there for me.
I hope that we can try to end this as friends. I understand that will be difficult in the beginning, but maybe on down the road we can find a way to at least be friendly. I can't imagine you not being in my life at all, and I will always want to hear updates on your life once we get to a better place where we can talk to one another without bringing out our love and pain.
Maybe this isn't goodbye, exactly. Just an acknowledgement that we won't ever be the couple we intended to be, and that it's okay for us to move on and try to better ourselves separately. I am fairly sure our paths will continue to meet. Maybe someday I’ll be more mature and better prepared for whatever comes my way, but I cannot anymore handle the pain you have unknowingly caused me these past months.
Don’t get me wrong. You have made me very happy just by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. From the time we first started going out until now, you have unfailingly shown me how it is to be really cared for and cherished. At the same time you have managed to keep my feet on the ground, always reminding me that my life is my own and no one else’s. I thank you for that. You taught me how to fully comprehend what real love is like. Just by showing me in your own way, you made me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers.
You have kept my feet on the ground and yet showed me how beautiful the stars and skies are.
We have dreamed together. Laughed together. Whenever I needed your comport and strength, your level-headedness and rationality, you were always there for me. Our relationship has gone through a lot of things ranging from the serious to the stupid and we were able to weather the storms together, you and I mainly because we knew how to properly steer the relationship back to its proper course.
I guess the only thing that went wrong is my falling in love with you and the accompanying issues of where this relationship is really headed and the roles we will actually play in each other’s lives. I know you will never fully commit yourself to any one women-knowing you, I’m sure of that
No one is to blame. Not you, nor me, nor whoever else is sharing you with me…maybe I’m just a victim of circumstance like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don’t anymore know if I can handle things the same way I’ve handled them before. Your presence and your help will not matter. Seeing you and being with you when we spend time together gives me a certain kind of happiness only you can give. But every time you leave me, my heart breaks, knowing for certain that you have to attend to the needs of the others who need you too like me.
I am hurting and I have to heal my wounds alone. I cannot do this with you in my life, because every time you leave me, the pain recurs.
I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much. But contrary to what I used to believe, I’m not as tough as I thought I would be. I try so hard to be strong, to think that your other relationships do not matter, but they do matter…a lot. So I have to let you go now. I do not want to do this-but I must. Call it false bravado on my part. I know I’ll be hurting myself more by saying goodbye to you now, but I am unable to continue as if things haven’t changed.
I love you so much it hurts to say goodbye. But I am ashamed to admit that no matter how much I love you, no matter how deep my feelings already are for you, I cannot stay in the relationship anymore and fight for you, for us. What is there to fight for? My love for you, which you do not want to acknowledge? A future with you which looks very uncertain at this time? It is difficult to stay and fight when you do not know what it is you’re fighting for.
Things haven’t changed in our relationship at all. The caring, our mutual respect for each other, helping each other out and being there for each other….nothing has changed. And I know that if I decide to stay in relationship, nothing will change and things will go on as they have before.
You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you and the past months with a smile and with wistfulness for being the one responsible for throwing it all away… but I have to go now. I am afraid that if I stay, something will be destroyed---either be part of you, a part of me, our friendship or the relationship itself. I don’t really know. At least by leaving now, I am sure that everything remains intact, the relationship beautiful untouched unmarred by jealousy and hatred we both don’t deserve a relationship that would always be fraught with questions and conditions. I am unable to see myself as a true-blue kept woman anyway
I cannot hold on to something I don’t believe in anymore. It would have been really nice to grow old with you…to laugh with you while reminiscing about the years that have passed…to share with you my whole life, and I would share with you yours…but I guess now is not right time for us, or maybe we’re just not meant to be really together, now or forever, I don’t really know. You deserve someone who will fully understand your needs and your personality, I guess I deserve someone who will love me like you have done, only that he’ll be going out with me and me alone…it’s painful to say goodbye but even more painful to stay. Please understand that I have to do this somehow.
Sometimes, it comes a point in our lives when we have to think what we are doing and where we are heading. When happiness fades, we need to look for new beginnings. When love dies, we need to step away and carve out the dead feelings.
I know it is difficult to let this relationship go. We have been through so much together that it hurts just recalling a tiny fraction of the time we spent as a couple. But I also know it will only hurt more if we let this relationship drift. The same inevitable parting will confront us then making it even harder for us to recover and find that elusive happiness and peace of mind.
We have had our fair share of love and happiness. Let that be the memories that will stay with us as we go our separate ways. Continuing on will only leave us with more bitter recollections that will overwhelm the happier shades that we once shared. That's simply because true happy moments will never be possible from now on when the magical feeling has long gone. Instead, what will set in is indifference, making us strangers, not lovers, in our own home.
Perhaps you will find that I'm trying to justify my decision to move on. To alleviate my guilt of leaving this relationship. Maybe I am and for that I'm truly sorry. But I also strongly believe that a person as special as you deserves someone much better. Someone who can love and cherish you the way a lover should rather than depending on crumbs from a dying feeling which is better left buried.
"Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough.
We only part to meet again.
Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.
You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind."
I love you. No amount of time or space can change that. I will always love you until the day my heart stops beating. Please remember it while we're apart.
So, I'll just say, "see you later," and maybe we'll talk again one day.
Your forever lost lover,
****
by BrookeLynn3 13 days ago
